dorspourrever

i'm home for summer!

..and i think i am really happy about it?   i was itching to leave school and get home, knowing that here i have amazing friends, and no drama.  but now that i am here, i am feeling a little mixed about it for a few reasons:

a)  the man i love is here, and being here means i will be spending most of my time in his company.  problem? yes.  this love is very much one-sided. and seeing him almost makes it harder.  everytime we're together i feel soooo happy, but the bliss quickly fades with the realization that we will never be together and i am left miserable. love stinks. worrrdd. 

b) i am already missing those few special people who hold a verrrrry big place in my heart from trent town.  we are all so far apart and thinking about how hard it will be to see them makes me a little sad.  i wish they could all come and live with me on the beach for four months, where we could drink martinis. yep. that'd be sweet.  

c) four months in 'coetown? oh no!  i love the 'coecru to deaaaathh, they treat me like gold and love me as if they were kissing rich ass. but i cant help but picture a long, dragged out summer.  i have my fingers crossed that this one matches last summer. 

really i can't completely explain my apprehension.  i mean my issues are pretty menial aside from the unrequited love.  but i've been dealing with that for 8 months already, so i think i will make it through.  

maybe i will keep up with this a little more now that i have 4 months with absolutely nothing occupying my time. 
<333

Currently confused and hurt, looking for a new method of self therapy.  

Talking about my issues is not seeming to help their ongoing stagnation.  Under the influence of the amazing j.con I figured by writing and expressing that maybe I could help myself a little more than discussing with those that don't particularly understand or know how to help.  Hopefully my skepticism is unnecessary and this livejournal helps me in dealing with the issues I have and will come to face.

Avoiding at this time my ongoing issue of unrequited love, I am facing tension and instability in my current living situation.  I live with a loose cannon. I am never sure of her mood, and therefore am constantly watching my actions to prevent being caught in the centre of a directed rant.   I often find myself acting as a "referee" guiding tensions and attitudes in the house, which sometimes seems the only way to control the attitude and disrespect that circulates.   No one living in this house deserves the attitude or disrespect and I don't deserve to the responsibility of controlling it.  The saddest part of this situation is that after a much needed upcoming 4 month break, we will be back, as in a delirious state of hope we signed a lease for the next school semesters.  guhh.

Today, outside of crazy house, I had an amazing day.  A trip to court entertained my love and i for a couple of hours, along with delicious sandwiches and soups.  mmm.  If it wasn't for my amazing support systems outside of my crazy house I'm not sure how I would handle the living situation drama that seems to go hand in hand with school. 

Well, for today this is all I have to say, we'll let time prove whether or not I continue this new found hobby and if it helps me as I hope it will. 

Thanks for reading.
ciao.