dorspourrever

a little happy?

2007-10-01T23:57:04Z

i know who my best friend is. i love him. and he loves me. and for now i guess that i will take what i can get. it's hard to get over someone when you know they have feelings for you, but that they just are incapable at the moment to deal with those felings. and i don't want to be over this someone. i want to love him forever. so i think for now i am happier to stick it out and wait for him than to find a fake happiness in other people or things.

regardless of what relationship we have as long as he is my best friend and i have him in my life i will be happier than if i lost him entirely. which would break me. so i guess for now i am satisfied. but looking for more.

bittersweet.

2007-09-08T05:27:11Z

always say what you feel.

lesson learned. haarrrdd.

ugh.

i'm an idiot.

2007-06-01T03:03:27Z

tonight i was a huge jerk. huge. guhhh.

i wonder what the consequences of my actions will be.

you see my biggest problem is that i can't hide my emotions. and i let those who are affecting my mood know, quite blatantly.

i'm an ass.

end of story.

like oprah...

2007-05-29T18:28:01Z

oprah has lots of favourite things that make her happy. i do too. they are less extravagant and kind of asinine, but i love them.

: cheeseburgers, the fast food kind
: smoothies, the booster juice kind
: macchiatos. mm
: soccer. coaching and playing with riddoch lumber
: entourage. best show ever
: lululemon.
: my family. <333
: my coe cru. <3
: martinis
: j.con and trent cru. <3
: rollercoasters
: steve nash. (the cat.)
: kobe bryant. (the dog.)
: doing the jane fonda with him </3
: justin timberlake
: a good book, current selection Romeo Dallaire's Shake Hands with the Devil
: newfoundland
: toutons.
: rollerblading
: him.him.him.
: road trips
: the beach
: hot tubs
: laguna beach
: the hills
: a warm cup of tea
: a neat scarf
: trent u
: le francais

i think that may be all right now.

the only things that are currently making me unhappy are:
> global warming
> Darfur
> him.him.him

dorspourrever @ 2007-05-25T08:10:00

2007-05-25T12:13:03Z

i listened to this song on the way to work and it reminded me of my current situation.

sundrenched world.joshua radin.

I can't get to bed
But I'm really tired
The things in my head
You used to admire
In your sundrenched world
It couldn't be worse
Don't bother asking
And here comes the nerves
While I'm trying to bask
In your sundrenched world

I close up my mouth
When you're around now
Suffocating in doubt
I can't make a sound
In your sundrenched world
I always wanted to be
The one you looked to
For the answers in me
I'm the one who took you
To your sundrenched world

mixed feelings.

2007-04-24T17:57:40Z

i'm home for summer!

..and i think i am really happy about it?   i was itching to leave school and get home, knowing that here i have amazing friends, and no drama. but now that i am here, i am feeling a little mixed about it for a few reasons:

a) the man i love is here, and being here means i will be spending most of my time in his company. problem? yes. this love is very much one-sided. and seeing him almost makes it harder. everytime we're together i feel soooo happy, but the bliss quickly fades with the realization that we will never be together and i am left miserable. love stinks. worrrdd.

b) i am already missing those few special people who hold a verrrrry big place in my heart from trent town. we are all so far apart and thinking about how hard it will be to see them makes me a little sad. i wish they could all come and live with me on the beach for four months, where we could drink martinis. yep. that'd be sweet.

c) four months in 'coetown? oh no! i love the 'coecru to deaaaathh, they treat me like gold and love me as if they were kissing rich ass. but i cant help but picture a long, dragged out summer. i have my fingers crossed that this one matches last summer.

really i can't completely explain my apprehension. i mean my issues are pretty menial aside from the unrequited love. but i've been dealing with that for 8 months already, so i think i will make it through.

maybe i will keep up with this a little more now that i have 4 months with absolutely nothing occupying my time.
<333

a journal as therapy?

2007-03-29T04:32:44Z

Currently confused and hurt, looking for a new method of self therapy.

Talking about my issues is not seeming to help their ongoing stagnation. Under the influence of the amazing j.con I figured by writing and expressing that maybe I could help myself a little more than discussing with those that don't particularly understand or know how to help. Hopefully my skepticism is unnecessary and this livejournal helps me in dealing with the issues I have and will come to face.

Avoiding at this time my ongoing issue of unrequited love, I am facing tension and instability in my current living situation. I live with a loose cannon. I am never sure of her mood, and therefore am constantly watching my actions to prevent being caught in the centre of a directed rant. I often find myself acting as a "referee" guiding tensions and attitudes in the house, which sometimes seems the only way to control the attitude and disrespect that circulates. No one living in this house deserves the attitude or disrespect and I don't deserve to the responsibility of controlling it. The saddest part of this situation is that after a much needed upcoming 4 month break, we will be back, as in a delirious state of hope we signed a lease for the next school semesters. guhh.

Today, outside of crazy house, I had an amazing day. A trip to court entertained my love and i for a couple of hours, along with delicious sandwiches and soups. mmm. If it wasn't for my amazing support systems outside of my crazy house I'm not sure how I would handle the living situation drama that seems to go hand in hand with school.

Well, for today this is all I have to say, we'll let time prove whether or not I continue this new found hobby and if it helps me as I hope it will.

Thanks for reading.
ciao.